On Listening

To listen is to continually give up all expectation and to give our attention, completely and freshly, to what is before us, not really knowing what we will hear or what that will mean.

~ Mark Nepo

Practice
If I am filled with expectation or dread, if I am "listening for" something, if I anticipate or presume to know what someone is going to say, I am not really listening.Today I empty myself sufficiently to be able to truly listen.

Forwarded from the Seasons for Nonviolence email http://www.seasonsfornonviolence.com/

Very apt, I couldn't have said this better.

What can hinder me from being an effective counselor?: Journal entry

I believe an effective counselor is a good listener. My experience, so far, has been with listening and brief counseling sessions. Here are some hindrances I've found:.

• Fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. Associated with this is the need to feel that I'm doing things right. Counseling is an art and a science. Guidelines and procedures are important tools, that every counseling situation is individual and unique.

• The need to be needed and accomplish something worthwhile in the counseling session. I call this the “big people helper desire”. This usually indicates that I'm focused on myself and my own needs and not the client's.

• Breaking into the conversation when I think I have some insight that needs to be shared. I may think I know what the client's problem is, but if that thought comes, I recognizet I'm not focusing on the client. If I think I have the solution to the issue and I'm the only one who can provide this, then I'm enmeshed and have forgotten I'm only one part in the process and solution.

• Wanting to get more information on the client's issue, to see all aspects. I've thought of this as having only a piece of the puzzle and wanting to get the whole picture. This desire can get in the way of listening fully to the client and being sensitive to his or her needs. It's okay to ask questions for qualification, but if I'm asking a lot of questions in a counseling session, I'm on the wrong track.

In the end, these concerns come down to “it's not about me” -- it's the client.

Personal Qualities of Effective Helper

Personal Qualities of Effective Helpers

Nystul' s Helping Formula:

Personality of helper + Helping skills = Growth facilitating conditions > Specific outcomes

Nystul's 14 characteristics and how I see myself (p.10-12)

1.Encouraging. Nystul sees this as perhaps the most important quality of an effective counselor. Necessary to help clients learn to believe in their potential for growth and development. I like to think I'm an encouraging person
2.Artistic – able to creatively adjust techniques to needs of clients. “Just as true artists give something of themselves to each thing they create, counselors must give of themselves to the counseling process.” Counseling as an art and a science is Nystul's approach. Giving of self is something I haven't considered, though I recognize that the counselor contributes to the counseling process. At first it seems to be a contradiction to “It's all about the client, not about the counselor.”
3.Emotionally stable – “An inconsistent counselor will not only waste valuable time but create confusion and insecurity withing the client.” Is anyone ever emotionally stable? With maturity comes stability, but I feel stability isn't ever fully achieved. There's a warning about emotionally insecure counselors attempting to meet their needs at the expense of their clients – an important caveat, but I also have to acknowledge a need as well as a desire to help others.
4.Empathetic and caring: “Effective counselors care about people and have the desire to help those in need. They are sensitive to the emotional states of others and can communicate an understanding of their struggles with life. Clients experience a sense of support and kindness...This can help the client have the courage to face life realistically and explore new directions and possibilities. “ I can't say this any better – I see this as the most important quality in counseling.
5.Self-aware: " aware of one's own limitations .. can also help counselors monitor their needs so they can gratify those needs in a way that does not interfere in the counseling process.. requires an ongoing effort." Again this comes with maturity, but is something that is never fully realized. Self awareness is related to:
6.Self-acceptance: comfortable with themselves. I enjoy being Lucille Boone, though it's taken awhile to acknowledge this.
7. Positive self-esteem: can help counselors cope with and maintain stability. I have learned the hard way to be gentle with myself.
8.Self-realization-- “a journey into personal growth and discovery-- model for clients that one must stretch to grow. Counselors welcome life experiences and learn from them.” It's taken me a long time to see myself in that statement.
9.Self-disclosure: “counselors are constructively open with their thoughts and feelings – model openness and encourage clients to be open. “ Something I need to learn to do effectively. I usually err on the side of less is better.
10.Courageous: counselors should try to model the courage to be imperfect. Admitting that we don't have the answers and that counseling is a two way process is a beginning
11.Patient: Very important to focus on direction, not immediate results, though this could be difficult with brief therapy.
12.Nonjudgmental: Must be careful not to impose beliefs – communicate respect for clients. Some judgment is inevitable, but “judge that ye be not judged”
13.Tolerance for ambiguity: important – goes with being nonjudgmental.
14.Spirituality: I see counseling as a spiritual process – something that I do not do by myself as much as facilitate and channel from a higher power.

Research project proposal: Problem and purpose statements

This evening Dr. Beach and I met to discuss the problem and purpose statements of my research project proposal. This research project is worth 50% of my grading for the class, and my mind has gone in circles. In a previous class, she encouraged us to choose something that we were passionate about, or caught our interest. I thought about the Human Library, a program that uses the library model for cross-cultural communication. Dr. Beach was encouraging -- keep it simple. In the last week I've found review articles on prejudice and stereotype reduction, made a RefWorks citation file and downloaded a number of articles on my Nook. I've been feeling overwhelmed. I'm used to writing short reports and book reviews. Her suggestions was to see this project as a series of short items.
She mentioned that the majority of students who do this course full time, do it in two years and that this reasearch proposal is expanded as a final research project. She confirmed that the focus of EDCO 215 is practical and hands-on.
So here are my statements: I expect they will be worked over and expanded.

Problem statement: There are few places where people can intentionally meet one on one to dialogue with a person of another ethnic group, nationality, belief, race or sexual orientation.

Purpose statement:The purpose of this study is to investigate the "Human Library" as a way for individuals to explore differences between and similarities among people of different cultures, nationalities, races, sexual orientations or beliefs.

Second class: Introduction to Counseling

At this evening's EDCO 215 class, Dr. Beach very briefly categorized 6 schools of psychology: Analytical, Behavioristic, Cognitive, Humanistic, Gestalt and Multicultural therapy (MCT). I had expected a more lengthly introduction, though we'll be going over some of these at a later date. I'm surprised that MCT was considered a school -- from my reading it seems an eclectic approach. I want to read more --on Thursday this week I briefly explored narrative psychology, learned the difference between social constructionism and social constructivism and found that empirically supported research is about the same as evidence-based research.
Tonight as exercises we listed characteristics of a counselor, discussed Nystul's counseling as an art and science, had our first role play (reflective listening) and an outline of historical trends in psychology that Dr. Beach felt was important. I was paired up with Daisy who already works as a counselor in Watsonville -- this experience wasn't new for both of us, but it was the first for some in the class. I shared with Daisy about my concerns going back to school after these many years, and she was a good supportive listener.
Some pearls from Dr. Beach:
On an average counseling does work 79% (should have asked her source). Remember, it's not about me, (focus on the client) Ask a question then repeat 1 hippopotamus, 2 hippopotamus, 3 hippopotamus (wait for the counselee to respond. )

What is an intervention? Answer ?

According to Nystul 5th ed. p390, the Amercian School Counseling Association in its revised statement (1990) identifies 5 basic interventions common to all school counselors. These are: individual counseling; small-group counseling (5-8) large group guidance (9+); consultation and program coordination.
The 2009 statement doesn't list these interventions, but refers to delivery of responsive services which include :
individual or group counseling
consultation with parents, teachers and other educators
referrals to other school support services or community resources
peer helping
psycho-education
intervention and advocacy at the systemic level

Research project: What will I do?

I've just read the two examples that Dr. Beach provided -- one topic anger management, the other nutrition and now I feel anxious. The report writing style is off puting . I've spent much time trying to write simply and researchese, while, not unfamiliar, just seems verbose. To put the project in simple terms: Describe a problem and then work out a way to test a solution. My mind goes in all directions. I can identify with the adult student years ago who came up to the library reference desk and insisted I choose a topic for her. What am I passionate about? I've spent energy trying to damp down passion and live in the moment. How can I relate this project to what I know? Bibliotherapy? Relaxation? Breathing? Listening? Stress reduction techniques? -- these could be methods of intervention (solution); now I'm thinking backwards. And what do I really know of classrooms, education programs, ? I've seen my life as exceptional, in the way that my experiences differ from the average and now I'm wondering what I can give. Methods of Assessment? Statistics -- ugh?